And so, we’ve reached the waning

That’s mid-nano, for everyone who doesn’t know. Mid-nano is when everyone begins running out of juice. Luckily for me, I’ve reached mid-nano in the first week. Bragging? Maybe just a bit. Moreover, I’ve got the mid-nano blues, but instead of a “this is too hard” kind of blues, I’ve got the “why am I bothering” sort.

Don’t get me wrong. I like my new story. It was one I was going to write anyway. It’s the third in a trilogy. No one’s bought the first yet, no one may ever buy it, but I really love the universe I’ve created, so I’m going to keep writing books in it, even while writing other things.

I had an epiphany while writing it the other day. I’m working very hard right now, both to keep up with the nano (my goal is two weeks to 50K) and to edit my other novel that I’m submitting to my writing group. For a week, it felt wonderful. I could almost fool myself into believing that I was writing for work. (I call writing my job now, but most people that I’ve run into only use the word “job” if it includes the word “money”.) And I could pretend I was busy-busy because I had a publisher somewhere who was waiting for my draft. I imagined that I had deadlines that weren’t arbitrary, that weren’t created by me. Nano has a definite deadline, but I’m playing with that one, too, making it arbitrary.

I guess the fantasy is the thing that’s waning, and it’s making me a little melancholy. Not to worry, I’m sure I’ll be back on the horse again soon. At the moment, I’m mourning the loss of the fantasy more than anything.

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One thought on “And so, we’ve reached the waning

  1. You are no different than any other self-employed person. Deadlines from clients/publishers are good because they usually mean money. But in the absence of clients, you must drive yourself to do the thing that gets clients. In your case, that is create more product.

    You set the goal to reach 50K words by two weeks. You can do it! Do it because you can be smug when you accomplish it. Do it so you won’t feel like you’ve let yourself down if you fail when you know you could have succeeded.

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