Cleaning out the old mental cupboard

I started making some notes today on different projects, tinkering, you know, and rediscovering that there are actually LOTS of hours in a day! So, I thought I’d open myself up for some critiques. If any of you have anything you’re working on that you’d like someone else to look at, feel free to send it my way as a .doc attachment to barbara at wright dot org. I’m pretty good with commas, and I can be a good overall reader. (I just set my brain to reader and forget writer.) Let me know if you want anything specific, or just general comments. Also, let me know what format you’d like your critique in, be it track changes or copy and pasting what I find into an email.

Also also, put a note in the comments section so I know to look for your work, just in case it gets caught in the spam filter. If you don’t leave me a note in the comments and send something anyway, I’ll probably assume you’re spam…or a virus. I know a lot of viruses read this blog. ^_^

This is my war face!

Instead of having writers send queries, agents should round us up and hunt us for sport. Whoever can survive the night gets published. Whoever can steal a gun and wing an agent gets a six-figure advance. I like those odds a lot better.

Two more rejections today! Wheeee! I need that motivational blog-post I linked to yesterday. Luckily, I ordered the 2011 Writer’s Market, so maybe I’ll get some ideas and some more agents from that. I think I’m gonna move beyond only querying agents who take email queries next week. I wish they’d all go paperless. Save the trees, man.

On a totally unrelated note, I found an awesome coloring book while I was shopping for my 3-yr old niece the other day: Barbie and the Three Musketeers (warning: that site plays music). I haven’t seen the animated movie it’s based on, but the coloring book is totally something I would have invented as a child.

I loved Barbie, but I had about ten of the female dolls and one Ken. And since I had a huge imagination, Barbie and friends were always knights or sorceresses or space pirates who were on a mission to save…Ken. Because there’s only one of him, and he can’t very well save all of them, can he? He was usually kidnapped by my brother’s G.I. Joes when I could get my hands on them.

In this coloring book, the same sort thing happens. Four women take the place of the musketeers from the classic story. They work in the palace in France and uncover a plot to kill the handsome Prince. And they save him. With swords. While wearing pretty dresses. It’s my childhood dream come true! Pretty dresses AND swords! What could be better? Now the girls really can have everything.

Favorite childhood toys of yours? Did you play with them as “intended” or did you think outside the toy box? Any other Barbie fans out there?

Daily heh

The Rejectionist doesn’t want you to give up.

‘Nuff said.

Errand day

I changed the oil in my car, shopped for many things I’d been meaning to get for a while, and arranged for a lawn guy to mow for us because my husband’s allergic to cut grass, and I’m not allowed in direct sunlight for long….because I’m a vampire.

It was clearly an errand day. I feel so productive, and I haven’t even written anything. Dangerous territory, I know, because now I feel I don’t have to write. I’ve already been productive! I don’t know how you farmers, homesteaders, parents, and people with non-writing jobs cope. To have a productive day and then write? To be doubly productive?!?! I would die of smug.

I’ll probably still write some today (I’ve got a cool new idea), but it’ll be hard not to be so self-satisfied that I’ll say, “You know, I DESERVE five hours of non-stop tv.”

In other news, I got another partial request for my manuscript…for five pages. I hope she enjoys them. I know it’s really just to see what my writing style is like, but I hope she’s so sucked in by those five pages that she must have the rest before she goes insane!

Today I have two questions for you. One, how much do you have to accomplish in your day before you’re satisfied, i.e. filled to the brim with productivity? And two, what’s the strangest agent request you’ve ever had?

Attack of the brain weasels!

And now you’re asking, what the hell is a brain weasel? Good question! At its nasty little coal-black heart, a brain weasel is self-doubt. It’s the little voice that takes rejection personally. It tells you you’ll never be published. It says that you’re not good enough. A brain weasel feeds upon your insecurities and grows. It pulls in things that aren’t writing-related (other things you’re insecure about) until you’re reduced to a quivering mound of pudding, cowering on your sofa watching reruns and eating an entire box of powdered doughnuts.

The second layer of the weasel is self-hatred, source of both the fear of success and the fear of failure. Fear of failure feeds the inner part. I’m not good enough, and I never will be, so I should stop trying before I really crash and burn. Fear of success says it’s all too hard, that even one small victory hides a mountain range of hardships to come, and you’re just not up to the challenge. Give up, give up, they chant together. And then, when you look down at the empty doughnut box, the brain weasels smirk and say: also, you’re fat. *Sigh* Now you have to feel bad about the doughnuts, too.

Now, before the brain weasel has time to grow a third layer, depression, you must fight. You must take up arms against your own brain weasels! You must write! I don’t care if your novel’s going nowhere. I don’t care that you’ve been rejected time and again. Because the brain weasel is you, my friend! It’s all you in your head, and you’re the only one who can fight it!

Novel long and rambly? Tighten your focus. Write a short story or a short scene about one character, one situation, something that will bring you some clarity. Story idea going nowhere? Shelve it! Those aren’t dirty words. If you’re stuck in a rut because your writing isn’t moving just now, move on to something else. Write something you’ve always wanted to write but have been afraid to. Write something that will never see the light of day! If it’s unpublishable, who cares! The point is to have a little fun.

Tell you what, write your little piece of fun, your little dab of silly heaven, and I’ll read it! And I’ll applaud! I’ll give you my email address in the comments if you so wish!

Hot damn! Nothing like making a Patton-like speech to make me excited. I’m off to write a fun little short story based in my (so far) unpublished worlds, that will be completely unsaleable, and I don’t care! Take that, brain weasels!

How will you banish yours? ^_^

Flummoxed!

So, I’m reading an agent blog, looking for whether or not he reps my kind of work, when I see in his archives a post about what he hates to see in queries.

To my astonishment, he asks people not to say science-fiction novel in their query, as it’s the same as saying science-fiction fiction. 0_0

Now, I’ve heard that agents don’t like to see I’m querying my fiction novel, as novels are, by default, fiction. And that if you have a novel that is genre-less (general fiction), you should simply say, I’m querying my novel. So, novel isn’t the word they have the problem with.

In the comments section of this particular blog, helpful readers did point out that in the words science-fiction novel, science-fiction is simply an adjective and saying it is the same as saying fantasy novel or crime novel. His response was something like, my pool, my rules, and he suggesting saying, I’m querying my science-fiction work or project. That’s fine. He can ask for whatever he likes. But he also said, I know many agents who stop reading when they see science-fiction novel.

I would never in a million years have suspected this. It seems so odd to me that this adjective/noun combo would create so many problems. My query letters have always contained the world novel so as not to be confused with graphic novel, screenplay, poetry collection or short-story collection. A science-fiction project could be any damn thing.

So, please tell me, have you ever encountered anything like this before? And those of you who’ve written queries, did you include the word novel after the adjective describing it? Please reassure me that this guy is actually a one-off.

Extreme cop out mode!

That’s right, I have nothing to say about writing today. So, guess what? Hold on to your horses, it’s pics of my pets!

Yes, I know. You’re saying, Barbara, you have a writing blog and you’re posting pictures of your animals? Why, yes, I am. I am bored of writing today, my friends. I’m so bored of it I’m slow-cooking a ham instead of writing. If my garage needed painting, I would probably do so. I might play a video game. Or take a nap. And if I needed advice on naps, I could ask the experts.

Polly is an All-State Champ in naps and eating. She can polish off a bowl of food in under five seconds. She showed up on our doorstep when she was about a year old and refused to leave. Here she is waiting to see if my camera is gong to morph into something she can eat.

Then there’s Daisy, who’s a bit camera shy and hates the UPS man and his van with a violent passion. We adopted her from the SPCA. She thinks the neighbors should stay inside their houses at all times and yells at them if they don’t, but if you come inside my house, she’ll love your legs off.

And last, but certainly not least as far as naps are concerned, I have two cats.

They’re both pretty big. I don’t go in for small cats. The younger of the two is Roxie. We got her when she was six months old. She crawled inside the engine of our car on a cold morning, and we actually took her for a ten minute ride without knowing it. Luckily, she’d crammed herself into the wheel-well and was uninjured. We had to keep her after that, but because of her bad experience, she’s scared of almost everything and everyone.

Then, there’s JJ. He’s made of pure evil. Also from the SPCA, he’s the animal I butt heads with the most. He’s willful, disobedient, and he won’t stay out of the sink. I think he secretly plots our deaths and probably yours, too.

So, there ya go. Made you look at and read about my pets. How do they help with my writing, you ask? Well, most of the time, they hinder. JJ by playing in the blinds and the others by napping so comfortably and making me sleepy. But if I ever need to write a dog or a cat into a story, I’ll have four distinct animal personalities for research. Yeah, I really shouldn’t pretend this has anything to do with writing. Tomorrow, I’ll write, I tell ya! Tomorrow!

And you? Pets? Do they help or hinder your craft? Yeah, I’m still trying to pretend this is writing relevant.

Some fruit is borne

So far in the submission game, I’ve had one request for a partial and one for a full. So, now you know where I’ve been. I always feel the need to reread when I get a request, so that’s what I’ve been doing: rereading, polishing and hating my work. ^_^

My husband and I had a frustrating experience trying to purchase a bed this week. The salesman wrote up the order for the wrong bed, so when the delivery men showed up, they had exactly the wrong thing. My husband was pretty steamed. He canceled our entire order, so now we have no bed in our bedroom and are camping in the guestroom.

Well, the entire ordeal reminded me of the submission process. Heaps of frustration and nothing went as planned. Both situations could wind up having a happy ending, though. We’re going to continue shopping until we find a bed we really like. I’m going to continue submitting until I find an agent who really likes my work. ^_^ I’ve gone from nervous to sanguine. Don’t worry, I’m sure I’ll be back around to anxious or even psychotic as the days pass, especially if I don’t get any other bites.

Getting back to writing actually helped more than anything. I knocked out a short story yesterday, and I have an idea for a new novel. Writing’s my ultimate cure for the blues.

What’s your cure for the submission blues? Or any kind of blues, for that matter? And yes, ice cream is a valid answer. As are brownies. And cookies. Maybe pie…

Wastin’ away again in submissionville

Heh. Sounds like a song about bondage. Really, though, it’s me pining about submitting my manuscript to agents. For all my hand waving about not caring, I’m holding my breath while opening my email. Yep, I’m a sucker, waiting for that fateful “yes.” And I love those agents who say they’ll only respond if they’re interested in the query. So, I’ll never know if a non-response is a “no” or an email that got blocked by the agent’s spam filter. Of course, I tell myself it’s the spam filter… ^_^

In the meantime, I am comforted by my sparkly pencils and my netflix. Here, let the pencils comfort you as well.

So colorful…so sparkly…they make the waiting bearable. So, tell me, are you waiting on anything? Doesn’t have to be submissions.

And because I care about all of you, please take a gander at this article about drowning.

Okay, that was a busy weekend

Parties and write-ins and dinners, oh my! Also, sent my queries off to the two agents that requested material at the WLT conference. I’m feeling very laid back about the whole thing. Hopefully, that will make a difference. Like, as soon as you stop caring, you succeed. Well, I can hope. Damn! That messes up the whole not caring thing! Arrrgggh! Can’t win!!!!

*breathes deeply*

Does anyone here share the opinion that the more you read your own work, the more you hate it? I’ve been rereading the pages I’m submitting, and I’ve read them too many times to count. The more I read, the more hyper-critical I become, making myself angry over the simplest of sentences and reading them aloud just to taunt them. “She hurried up the stairs? HURRIED up the STAIRS?!?! What kind of sentence is that? Who writes like that?!? I should just take up farming!!!!!!!”

Yeah, so I was lying about not caring. ^_^ Do you hate your manuscript? Want to chuck it every time you reread and have to be restrained by friends and family? Have you ever written your own alternate endings where you just freakin’ killed every character? Wait, maybe that’s just me….